


(for You) i'd do it all

by ㅎㅊ도 (HChnD)



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Experimental Style, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, except that it is an attempt, except that words related to Chanhee are in capital letters, lapslock, probably unhealthy relationships as well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:08:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26727190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HChnD/pseuds/%E3%85%8E%E3%85%8A%EB%8F%84
Summary: Chanhee is sunwoo’s truth, sunwoo’s saviour, sunwoo’s punisher. He has the power to control him, has the power to condemn and cause suffering but also to cure and heal.if that did not mean that He is his god, sunwoo didn’t know what else it could mean.
Relationships: Choi Chanhee | New/Kim Sunwoo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23
Collections: Arthur's Adventures With Fic Fests, Die Jungz Fest (R1)





	(for You) i'd do it all

**Author's Note:**

> for [die jungz fic fest](https://twitter.com/diejungzfest). this was my random prompt, which was quite hard for me as I would be lying if I said I vibed with what I got, but I wanted a challenge and I got an idea when receiving it, so why not, you know? which was tough as I got blocked midway and had to rewrite most of it because I didn't like where it was going. but hopefully it is still an okay read in the end! and not too off from the prompt... I kinda Still don't like where it went but lol at least I managed to finish it so :3 try to enjoy it!  
> I'll leave the screenshot of my prompt at the end notes (feel free to check it before reading it, it won't spoil you) but I wanted to mention that despite them being lyrics for two songs, I've also taken inspiration from other songs regardless if it was the lyrics or just the vibes. they are: [take me to church](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVjiKRfKpPI), [death of me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC0xkQA38t4), [fever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs61OHs2g-w), [react](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KM3j_TXeqfc), [she](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l75unzTDJn8) and [siri](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dTHPhP7UiE)!

sunwoo was not the religious type. it wasn't like he didn't believe in god, but also, he didn't have a strong belief towards anything specific. he was sure there was something that could be called _divine_ that was beyond human understanding. but religion? it all felt too fake. too _human._ he couldn't believe what priests would say, what books claimed to be the lord's words. so, no, he wasn't really religious. 

but he still sat on the bench, watching the cult as everyone prayed around him. sunwoo was bored, there were many things that he could be doing in a morning of sunday such as… literally anything else. yet he stayed in place, faking a grin once he felt the priest looking at his direction, and endured it all.

not because of god. or, well, not because of what people conceive as _the_ god.

“kim sunwoo,” He said in a quiet tone, as to not to get any attention other than his. it made his body jerk in place, startled, not expecting to have words directed at himself. “fancy to see you here.”

“as if that was the first time you’ve seen me in here, hyung,” sunwoo responded in a jokingly tone, one that could be perceived as harsh. but he never meant any harm, any poison, not when it came to Him. 

and, for sure, that was something the two of them knew. that sunwoo would never be rude towards the other. they could joke around, he could tease the older, but they didn’t mean anything. they were just empty words to pretend he wasn’t so damn deep into his adoration of Him.

Chanhee stared at sunwoo with his dark eyes, his pretty natural eyes that were so powerful it could make him shiver and lower his sight. and so he did, averting his glare to stare at his ears instead, at his lips, at anywhere, really. as long as he was allowed to.

sunwoo heard a quiet laugh. “what’s up?” he innocently asked, stepping towards the younger and resting a hand on his arm, fingers light on his skin. he opened his mouth again, voice softer and quieter this time. “i’ve just finished my tasks for the week. just let me grab my stuff and we can leave.”

he nodded, not sure what word to answer. at that, Chanhee smiled at him and walked backwards, going to the altar and entering a door that no one without authorization could get in.

sunwoo was not the religious type. but he reasoned that religion was something like this. having someone you view so highly of, someone you should obey and please. someone to cherish, but also to fear.

Choi Chanhee was the closest thing he could think of god.

of course, he wasn’t god _himself._

at the end of the day, Chanhee was still pretty much a human as himself. He too had flaws, could be wrong, was not entirely pure. sunwoo was well aware of that.

Chanhee was as much as a sinner as any other person. as much as he too was. still, sunwoo was glad to worship him the same way he’d worship a god. if he did believe in one, of course. because, sinner or not, impure or not, human or not, He was beautiful. is beautiful. He’s everything to sunwoo and there is no reason for him not to glorify all of Him. to love all of Him.

he would kiss Chanhee’s lips, rest his palm on His cheek, on the back of His neck. he would taste Him, praise Him, cherish Him. he would tell him all that he felt, spoiling with words and touches, and take every reaction that came from Him.

Chanhee would moan in response, would giggle sometimes, respond with pleasant words. He would tell sunwoo he was good, he was doing well, that he wanted more and more. and, of course, sunwoo would do it all. 

after all, Chanhee was his saviour, his everything, to whom he could not deny a thing. 

so sunwoo would love every bit of Chanhee, would worship every millimetre of his skin, would paint whenever space that would have a nice reaction from Him. sunwoo would hold Chanhee where he wanted, would swallow Him the way he knew was the best, would make him burn just the way He liked. he would do anything if it meant that Chanhee would like. anything to make him rewarded instead of punished. 

“kim sunwoo,” He said after a long while of silence, breath no longer rushed or uneven. with His head on sunwoo’s chest, hand rubbing on his stomach, eyes averted from the younger, those words he knew so well hit his ears.

“you’re so fucking nice.”

he’s heard those words before. more than once, in more than one way. he liked being called nice, especially if it came from His mouth. he took them as a compliment every single time that Choi Chanhee called him nice. even if it didn’t sound like a positive statement, even when it was said with a heavy tone, intended to hurt. 

“you’re so fucking nice, kim sunwoo,” Chanhee would say at times, but this one day, it wasn’t sweet. it wasn’t kind. it was +heavy, it was poisonous. “always so damn kind. it’s tiring, it’s annoying.”

those words didn’t hurt. it meant to hurt, and maybe deep down he hated hearing it, but he accepted it. sunwoo accepted His shouts, His frown, accepted as He turned around abruptly and left him to stare as His parting figure. 

that kind of outburst wasn’t out of character. it wasn’t the first time and there was a wide chance that it wouldn’t be the last either. Chanhee oscillated from loving how sunwoo lived for him to hating that he was so… passive when it came to his own life.

_can’t you be rougher on the edges? must you be a sweetheart at all times? say something!_

sunwoo understood His point. he really did. but he couldn’t do that. he couldn’t be more demanding, couldn’t refute Chanhee and actually mean it. He was everything, He was right, He was truth itself. sunwoo could try to not be so loving but it would only end in failure. he could be a little mean but his heart would feel too heavy afterwards, would be too guilty to defy Him.

after all, Chanhee was still his god even when he was mad. and it was fine, he accepted it. god wasn’t always the kindest, always forgiving. He was the same. if sunwoo had gotten on His nerves, if he did wrong, then he should accept his punishment.

it wasn’t the first time it happened. Chanhee pushed whenever sunwoo had been bad and Chanhee pulled when He felt like it was enough. He would ignore sunwoo’s existence, would ghost him, would act cold. and then He would smile at him, shower him with attention and touches. 

as bothersome as it could be, sunwoo was fine with it. so, even if he missed Chanhee, even if he wanted to talk to Him and hold Him some more, he had to wait. sunwoo had to live his life normally, waiting for when the punishment ended. for when he was again allowed to do all of these things.

sunwoo kept going to his classes, still went to his part-time job, and every sunday, he’d still go to the church. even if he wasn’t religious, even if he couldn’t approach his god, it was part of his routine. even if he couldn’t get up and ask Him if he had anything to do after the cult, he sat in the same bench as every time and watched attentively. not at the priest, _hell no,_ but at his God. his gorgeous God who would do his tasks at the church without acknowledging his existence. maybe he didn’t notice sunwoo, although he doubted that was it. He always knew it all, saw it all. so he just had to wait some more. 

it was just a matter of time until he would be blessed once again. probably. 

once he heard the knock on his door, sunwoo didn’t have many expectations of to who it could be. sure he had a fair share of friends, but it wasn’t like he got too many visits from them. rather than that, they’d go to another place together, even when they knew each other’s addresses. so when he heard the echoing, he assumed it was a stranger about to bother him.

“oh, Chanhee-hyung,” he said after what felt like hours of staring at the smaller figure of His. He looked the same, except for the pink on his hair that was now a weird but somehow fitting mixture of blond and blue. and, well, also the way he frowned, staring at His feet. even when He was the saddest, when He’s feeling so miserable and down, He never lost his posture. _that_ was odd. “do you-- want to enter?”

with a simple nod, Chanhee entered the place. it didn’t take long before He started speaking, telling sunwoo that He shouldn’t have been so strict, so rude, so straightforward, but that it was all quite frustrating to Him which resulted in the explosive reaction. it was fine for sunwoo, he was used to that, but he didn’t say it. instead, he just said he understood, despite it being a lie, and that he would forgive Chanhee, despite there never being an apology. it wasn’t like he demanded one anyway. things were fine like this. 

even if there were so many red flags. even if it felt wrong, dangerous, poisonous. because even with the bad sides, there were also many, many good sides. because He could pierce through his hearts but also heal it. he could feel lost at times, could be abandoned at times, but then He would return and save him from those dark times. Chanhee was as bad as he was good and he didn’t think much about it. if he could have the blessings, he’d endure the curses.

so sunwoo hugged His smaller figure and thanked the heavens that he could still love his God.

**Author's Note:**

> 


End file.
